After my last blog, where I poured out everything swirling in my mind, I started to reflect. Did I truly convey what I meant? The difference between your 20s and 40s isn't just about time; it’s about how you see yourself and how you interact with the world. And when that shift happens - when you really see it - it changes everything.

But is this just me, or does everyone go through this? I know my journey through life will be different from yours, but perhaps there's a universal truth in it.

Instead of rambling, here’s a letter to my 20-year-old self. It’s personal, and honestly, writing it wasn’t easy. But maybe - just maybe - it’ll resonate with someone out there who needs to hear it.

Dear Younger Me,

Right now, life feels impossibly hard. Your confidence? Barely there. Your self-belief? Almost nonexistent. The only time you feel okay is when you're numbing yourself with something, because deep down, you don’t believe the real you is worthy of love or being seen. You think if you take off the mask, no one will stick around.

You’ll struggle with things that seem easy for everyone else. The sadness will come more often than you let on, and there will be times when you feel completely lost. There might even be moments when you question everything. But here's the truth: you will never act on those thoughts. Deep inside, there’s a spark of hope that will keep you going, even when it feels like everything is falling apart. That little thread will be your lifeline, and it will carry you through the toughest times. Hold on - it will get you through.

The First Job

Your first job after university will terrify you. So much so, you’ll secretly add a drop of brandy to your coffee every morning before catching the train. The social anxiety will feel suffocating. You’ll try everything - books, self-help techniques, affirmations - desperately searching for a way to feel “normal.” But that sense of normalcy will feel out of reach.

The good news? You’ll get through it. While the work itself might not excite you, the friendships you make will. The people you meet will make the tough days worthwhile, and those connections will stay with you far longer than the job itself.

You’ll volunteer at a school in Costa Rica, hoping it’ll be your turning point. You’ll prepare in every way possible - learning Spanish, practicing confidence-boosting exercises - but when you get there? The social anxiety will still be there. Some days, you’ll feel incredibly low. Group conversations will leave you drained, and you’ll struggle to find your place. You’ll feel like you should be okay, but the truth is, you’re not. And that’s okay. It’s all part of the process.

While you're there, you’ll also volunteer at an orphanage, where you'll connect with a young orphan. In that moment, you’ll realise how much joy you can bring to someone simply by showing them they matter. Even years later, in your 40s, you’ll reflect on that connection and the lasting impact it had on you. It will remind you how powerful it is to truly see someone - and how much we all need to be seen.

The Pain of Unhealthy Attachment

When you return to university for your master’s in International Business, you’ll believe you’ve found love. No relationship has ever felt so intense, but because you don’t yet understand yourself fully, it will hurt in ways you never imagined. Your low self-esteem will make it one of the most painful experiences of your life, and it will become toxic as you cling to someone who can’t heal what’s broken inside you.

Luke and the Kids

When you return, you'll meet Luke, and he'll be exactly what you need. You'll enjoy carefree moments, free from responsibilities, and you'll quickly see how deeply he cares. Together, you’ll have kids, and life will get tough - really tough. But you’ll discover that you’re stronger than you think. You’ll realise that Luke’s well-being is deeply tied to your kids’, and even in the hardest moments, when it feels like giving up is easier, you’ll find the strength to hold everything together. It won’t be easy, but you’ll make it through.

The Anxiety and the Sadness 

I know it feels hopeless right now. You’ve made countless trips to London, trying various groups - desperately searching for relief, only to feel like nothing’s working. But trust me: life will get better. So much better. You won’t just survive - you’ll thrive in ways you can’t yet imagine. Hold on to that glimmer of hope, no matter how faint it feels. It’s stronger than you realise, and it will carry you through. 

You Matter

You’re so much more than you think you are. I know all you want right now is to feel “normal,” but trust me, normal is overrated. Your struggle is with yourself, and once you start to understand how you work and how the world works around you, everything will change. I know you can’t see it now, but trust me, you’ll get there.

I wish I could hug you right now. I know all you ever wanted was someone to tell you it would be okay. Instead, you felt broken, as if feeling deeply made you weak. I’m sorry you struggled alone, that you kept it all inside.

Please promise me you’ll take care of yourself. You matter. You are deserving of love and belonging - even if you don’t see it yet.

And remember, you won’t be like everyone else, and that’s not just okay - it’s exactly who you’re meant to be.

With all my love,

Your Future Self