Okay, let’s kick this off with a little nugget of wisdom that I’ve learned through many frustrating, head-on-desk moments: Never expect people to act the way you would act. Seriously, just don’t.

Now, on the surface, this might seem like one of those “well, duh” truths that everyone already knows. But let’s pause for a second. How often do we really, truly live by this rule? If you're anything like me, the answer is not nearly enough.

The Great Disconnect: Why Expectations Trip Us Up

Think back to the last time someone completely frustrated you. Maybe they ignored your text for weeks. Or they handled a sensitive situation so poorly it left you wanting to scream, “How can you not see what's happening?” Or, maybe - just maybe - they didn’t show up for you the way you would’ve shown up for them.

Cue the familiar inner monologue: I would NEVER do that. What is wrong with them?

But here’s the thing: they’re not wrong. They’re just not you.

We all view the world through our own personal lens, shaped by our experiences, personalities, and values. Expecting someone to act like you is like expecting your cat to fetch the remote. Ambitious, sure, but wildly unrealistic. Unless, of course, you’ve somehow trained your cat to do that. In that case, let’s talk.

It’s human nature to project our thoughts and feelings onto others. “If I would do X, then everyone else should, right?” And when they don’t? It feels like a personal slap in the face.

But here’s a little reality check: Nobody got the memo that you’re the standard for all behaviour. People aren’t acting against you - they’re just acting as themselves. Different priorities, values, and emotional capacities don’t make them wrong. They make them different. And that, honestly, is kind of beautiful. (Annoying, yes, but beautiful nonetheless.)

Emotional Freedom: Letting Go of “Should”

Here’s where the magic happens: letting go of expectations feels like unclenching a fist you didn’t even know you were holding. Suddenly, life feels a lot lighter. 

When someone doesn’t act how you’d prefer, try reframing the situation: “They’re doing what works for them,” rather than, “They’re doing this to personally offend me.”

This doesn’t mean abandoning your boundaries or ignoring your needs. It just means releasing people from the impossible task of being a carbon copy of you. Think of it like setting realistic expectations for your Wi-Fi - don’t expect lightning-fast speeds when you’re sitting in a café with 40 other people streaming cat videos. 😸

My Personal “Wait, What?!” Moments

Okay, confession time - this is still a work in progress for me. 😮‍💨

I have this unspoken rule: when I share something personal, it stays between us. My mum’s exactly the same. You could tell her the most random thing - like, “Hey mum, remember how I said I liked HP sauce? I don’t. I actually got it confused with BBQ sauce” - and she wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone. Not even Dad. So naturally, I assumed everyone operated this way.

And guess what? They don’t. (Quick side note - I had to pretend for ages that I liked HP sauce because I didn’t want to admit I got it confused with BBQ sauce. It was my shame.)

So when someone spilled something I thought should’ve stayed private, I felt completely betrayed. It was hard not to take it personally. But over time (and a lot of frustration), I realised it wasn’t out of malice - they just don’t operate with the same “vault mentality” I do.

People see things differently, and that’s okay... well, most of the time. I mean, sure, I can be all zen about differences in opinion and lifestyle choices, but when it comes to sharing stuff that really shouldn’t be shared? Yeah, I’m not that forgiving. Some secrets are meant to stay in the vault, people! 😒

Meeting People Where They Are

Here’s the thing: everyone’s living in their own universe. They’ve got their own timelines, priorities, and reasons for doing what they do.

And while it’s tempting to scream, “BUT MY WAY IS BETTER,” it’s worth remembering: Their journey is theirs - not yours. You can’t control their choices any more than you can make a chicken lay square eggs. (Seriously, though - has this ever happened? I’m curious.) 🤔

Important note: Some people’s actions are totally unjustifiable. I’m talking about decent folks here, not extreme cases where it’s just not okay to act that way.

How to Stop the Madness

Next time someone disappoints you or acts in a way that makes you want to scream, try this:

1. Ask Yourself: Am I upset because they truly did something wrong, or just because I’d have done it differently?
2. Check Your Empathy: Could their choice make sense from their perspective? (Even if it’s wildly different from yours.)
3. Let It Go: Is this expectation really serving you—or just stressing you out?

The Big Takeaway

Once you stop expecting people to act like you, you can truly appreciate them for who they are. And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful. Well, kind of beautiful… (Come on, I struggle with this, okay?!)

You’d be surprised at how much easier life feels when you stop trying to control how others behave and focus on how you respond instead. 

That said, I’ve realised something about myself - the less I know someone, the harder it is to connect the dots and understand why they do what they do. It can be really frustrating. But when I do know them? I get it. I can say, “Ah, now it makes sense.” 🙂‍↕️

The Struggle Is Real

Let’s be real for a moment: I’m pretty sure some of my actions (or lack thereof) have had people banging their heads on the table - especially those who don’t know me that well. We’ve all been there, right? Those moments when someone’s behaviour completely baffles or frustrates us. You know the ones - the times when you’re thinking, “What in the world is going through your head right now?!” It’s like, you kind of get it... but also, not really.

Final Thoughts